i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
