sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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