He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
