I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
