I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
