how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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