Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
