I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
