I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
