So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
