Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
