Yo dont text me then not text me
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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