it wasn't lemon gatorade
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize