I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
