I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
