Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
