time to smoke my breakfast
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
