My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My liver just had a heart attack.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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