This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
