The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
