I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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