We named our party play list daddy issues
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
