Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
