Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
