clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
