Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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