the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
