Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
