You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
