Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pants are for mortals
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
