Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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