i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
