I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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