...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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