Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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