What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
