i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
