I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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