R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
