so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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