when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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