You smell like stripper and shame
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
