I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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