Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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