the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
