Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize