Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
