If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
