Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
