Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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