girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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