Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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