Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
