and you said cock pushups were impossible
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize