good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
