Already got asked if we're dating
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
