Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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