why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
