sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize