I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
