he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
