is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Sober January is a disaster.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
