hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
jump out the window naked night went bad
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
