He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
