Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was not drunk enough for that final.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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