My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
