I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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