Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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