every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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