Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
