it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
