I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Randomize
