He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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