my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
