the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
