you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
