VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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